


It looks as though you're letting go

by NeonDomino



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Arranged Marriage, M/M, Minor Lucius Malfoy/Narcissa Black Malfoy, Secret Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-12
Updated: 2021-03-12
Packaged: 2021-03-20 10:48:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,991
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30003723
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NeonDomino/pseuds/NeonDomino
Summary: Lucius has always known what to expect from his life. He wasn't prepared for emotions to get in the way of those plans and complicate things.
Relationships: Lucius Malfoy/Ted Tonks
Kudos: 4





	It looks as though you're letting go

* * *

Lucius runs his fingers over his new dress-robes, admiring the beautiful shade of green and the soft, expensive silk. He's not fond of silk himself, but Narcissa is wearing it, and he wants to match during their engagement party.

He examines his reflection with a critical eye, looking for any imperfections. Everything needs to be perfect, everything in place.

He's immaculate. Still, he reaches up and touches the bow that pulls back his long hair, checking it's tied properly. He's careful, not wanting a single hair out of place, but the ribbon is doing its job.

He should be happy with how perfect he looks, but there's an urge to pull at the ribbon, to leave his hair free, allowing it to become messy. But instead, he clenches his hands in front of him.

A deep breath and he forces himself to look away from the mirror, because there's something in those cool grey eyes that is akin to regret, and he's not going to allow himself to feel that. It's his engagement party - he knew this was coming, he's always expected a match to be made. It's his duty.

Facing away makes it a little easier. If he doesn't look at himself, he can find the resolve to go down to the party. He'll find the power to take Narcissa's arm in his and show off who they are. He's got an image to maintain, and he can't be weak now. He can't let something as silly as emotion get in the way.

Emotions were never supposed to play a part.

Still, his eyes seek out his reflection again and the man looking back is a stark contrast to the man who looked in this mirror months ago. The man who was fussing over muggle clothes, about worrying about fitting in within the muggle world for another night of freedom.

There's a soft rap on the door and it offers him a distraction to turn fully from the glass. "I'm ready," he states, though he's not sure if he's telling that to whoever is on the other side of the door, or if it's for himself.

He opens the door and comes face to face with Narcissa. A shy smile plays at the corner of her lips, though it's gone almost as quickly as it appears. Lucius tries to smile back as he reaches for her hand, bowing slightly as he brings Narcissa's hand to his lips.

"Narcissa, you look as beautiful as always," he murmurs. There's a hint of red on her cheeks, but otherwise, she stays composed.

"Thank you, you look very handsome," she replies.

He gives a slight nod of acknowledgment. "Come, people are waiting," he says, taking her hand and tucking it into the crook of his arm.

They both head towards the stairs, walking in unison, the carpet masking any sound of their shoes. Lucius knows that he's choosing to follow his head rather than his heart because emotions are overrated and not worth upsetting this perfect life.

Neither of them says a word.

* * *

_Lucius looks around the room, appalled at the sight. He's wearing muggle clothes that belong to Ted, but never in his wildest dreams (though he'd consider this a nightmare) did he ever consider he'd attend a muggle party._

_He can't work out why people like this. How are these muggles enjoying themselves, or is it because not everyone has grown up as cultured as Lucius? Even Ted is having a good time, and they've only been there ten minutes._

_Lucius wonders at what point will he convince his friend to leave? What is an acceptable time to be here before bowing out? At what point will he stop being 'uptight' as Ted unfairly called him?_

_The music is blaring from a radio, and people are dancing closely together without rhythm or sense. Some are moving too fast, some are slow-dancing, and he's confused. Even more confusing are the paper cups that they're drinking from because no-one seems to have a proper glass. What kind of party doesn't even have a glass?_

_People bump into him and they touch his arm to apologise and Lucius hates every moment of this. He's tempted to just walk out but spots Ted weaving his way through the people, two paper cups in hand and a big grin on his face. Something about that smile keeps him in place._

_"There were so many other places we could have gone," Lucius says when Ted reaches him. He looks at the paper cup Ted holds in his direction. "What in Merlin is that?"_

_"A beer," Ted says, before sipping at the other cup. "Come on, Lucius, relax a little. It's a party."_

_"This is not a party," Lucius mutters but takes the cup. It feels warm, and that makes it even worse. He's at a muggle party where he's drinking warm beer and people keep touching him. There doesn't seem to be a bottle of wine in sight, and the place smells like sweat. "Is there no wine?" It's best to check, just in case._

_Ted laughs as though Lucius has made a joke, and Lucius frowns at the sound. He doesn't like when Ted laughs like this. He's still getting accustomed to this. Though the laugh makes his chest flutter slightly, not that he'd admit that out loud._

_"You're uptight, Lucius," Ted says. "Look, it's not your fault - you just haven't learnt how to lighten up. But you've got me to teach you how to have fun."_

_"I know how to have fun," Lucius argues. "This…" he waves a hand around the room, almost smacking someone in the back of the head in the process, "this is not fun."_

_"One hour. If you hate it that much, we'll go," Ted promises. "You said you'd give it a chance. I think an hour is fair."_

_Lucius gives a slight nod. He can manage for an hour. Hopefully. For Ted, he can do this. He lifts the drink to his lips and he sips the beer. It's disgusting, it's clearly cheap and Lucius can't drink something like this. Ted takes a big mouthful, unaffected by the taste. "They're playing games outside if that's preferable?"_

_Lucius shakes his head._

_"Well, that just leaves dancing," Ted insists. "Come with me."_

* * *

Lucius leads Narcissa onto the dance floor. Dancing is second-nature to him. He doesn't need to think twice about where his hands rest, or what steps to take. He doesn't even need to think about timing, his body just automatically moves. Each step is perfect, smooth, mesmerising.

Lucius knows that they look beautiful together. They're both in sync, and this is how a party is supposed to be. All eyes are on the newly-engaged couple as they take the spotlight as it were. Over the music, Lucius hears murmurs. Their children will be beautiful, and he silently agrees.

That's why this match was made. Narcissa's blonde hair and his compliment each other, and the chance of their children having blonde hair will be high. It's why his father overlooked the two older sisters. Malfoys are known for their blond hair, though Lucius secretly considers this a stupid notion. Still, his father is set on having grandchildren that look the part, and Lucius isn't going to argue.

Narcissa, Bellatrix, Andromeda - a wife is a wife, does it matter which one?

Narcissa smiles at him, but Lucius can't smile back. Every moment of this hurts.

* * *

_"I don't know how to dance to this noise," Lucius complains. He's still not sure how Ted convinced him to dance, but they're amidst the people now. "Ted, this isn't music." There are no steps to this, no moves that make sense. Everyone is doing something different, and Lucius is thrown._

_"It is," Ted insists. He's a terrible dancer, but each new, strange dance-move makes Lucius smile. "Look, come a bit closer, yeah? I'll show you what to do." Ted reaches out, his hand resting on Lucius's side, brown eyes moving to meet Lucius' grey ones._

_There's a sudden shift in the mood at the touch. Ted is watching as though he's expecting Lucius to push him away, or to step out of reach, but Lucius does neither. He really should, because he's in too deep. He shouldn't have come here, shouldn't have put on muggle clothes. He shouldn't be dancing to muggle music or drinking the worst alcohol that he's ever tasted._

_He shouldn't be moving closer to Ted, though he tells himself it's fine because it's what everyone else is doing. It won't be strange to move closer to Ted, to dance with him. Maybe they can find some sort of rhythm? Maybe he can help Ted look a little more sensible, though Lucius quickly dismisses that thought because Ted is having so much fun._

_Ted moves a little closer as Lucius steps in, and his hand remains on Lucius's waist. He's staring, waiting, and there's hope in his eyes. There are only inches between their bodies, and their dancing is so out of tune with the song, with each other - it's… well, it's starting to feel fun, and it's so different than anything Lucius has experienced before._

_He feels alive. It's that feeling that pushes him to lean forward, closing the distance between them. Being alive means taking risks, so he takes the biggest one of all and lets his lips find Ted's._

_A second passes, and arms find their way around him, pulling him closer, as Ted's lips begin to move against his. Fingers card through his hair, messing it, undoing the ribbon, but Lucius doesn't care._

* * *

Lucius accepts the box and opens it, under Narcissa's gaze. He pulls out a scarf of the softest material and holds it up.

"I noticed that your scarf was worn and old," Narcissa says.

Lucius lets the material run through his fingers. Warm, expensive. He can tell that this is a top-quality scarf, and he can tell from the box alone that it wasn't cheap in the slightest.

"It's a thoughtful gift, thank you," he tells her. He's not quite sure of the pale colours, he likes bolder choices, or black or grey. But he supposes the scarf suits the current fashion, and that's important too. Though Narcissa doesn't seem to know him well enough to pick something he'd actually like.

He reaches for the small box next to him and hands it to her. She opens it and takes out a Malfoy family pendant that was selected by his father from the family vault.

She glances at it, and Lucius wonders if she's judging how much it's worth. "It's beautiful," she states. "Will you…" she turns, lifting her hair and Lucius reaches for the thin golden chain, ready to put it around her neck.

* * *

_Lucius shivers as he feels around for his wand. "I have to go back in," he says, glancing back towards the castle._

_"How come?" Ted asks. "We've got to hurry, is there time?"_

_Lucius hesitates. He wants good seats for the Quidditch match, but he can't sit out here for hours with a cold neck. "I need to get my wand or my scarf," he says. "Or perhaps I can use your wand for a moment?"_

_Ted nudges him with his arm. It's as close as holding hands as they can get in public. "I have something better."_

_He unwinds his own scarf and drapes it over Lucius' neck, fixing it for him. "There, that should do it." Brown eyes stare at him. "I like this. You should keep it."_

_"Your only scarf?" Lucius asks, aghast at the idea. Ted hates the cold. "I couldn't."_

_"You can and you will," Ted insists. "We can't hold hands, we can't kiss, we just act… at least I get something, Lucius. Just you wearing my scarf helps."_

_Lucius considers what he's hearing. It makes sense that Ted feels more secure when Lucius is wearing a symbol of Ted's - in this case, Ted's scarf - and that's the only thing that's stopping him from taking the scarf off._

_"You love your scarf," Lucius points out quietly. In the cold weather, he's never seen Ted without it._

_Ted smiles. "I… well, I love you more," he admits, and his face reddens deeply at this. "If that's even allowed to be said?"_

_Lucius nods. "I return those feelings," he admits so quietly that Ted almost misses the words._

_"Wicked. Come on, let's go and get good seats." Ted nudges him again before they move towards the stands of the Quidditch Pitch. The scarf is warm and it smells faintly of Ted's aftershave, and Lucius reaches up to fix it a little tighter. He's reeling a little from Ted's confession._

_Was Ted saying he loves him, or loves him? This just complicates things, because Lucius knows his future is mapped out for him. One day he's going to have to let Ted go._

_The idea fills him with dread, and he stops. Ted pauses, turning to look at him, and Lucius stares back. They've not talked about what their friendship has turned into, but there have been too many stolen kisses, too many less-than-innocent touches to claim that they're just friends. Ever since the first kiss during the Easter break, it's broken down that wall between them._

_"We've only got a few weeks left here," Lucius says quietly. "Everyone will be at the match, so perhaps…"_

_Ted's lips curve up. "Wanna find somewhere to be alone?" There's a sense of anticipation as he says those words, and Lucius is sure that they're both feeling it. This is more than sneaking away for a snog._

_Lucius nods._

* * *

_"You know, I thought that when this day came, you'd tell me. You wouldn't leave me to find out about it in the paper."_

_Lucius already feels bad. It's been five days since the wedding announcement in the paper. Eight since his father arranged for him to wed Narcissa Black. He sent the letter to Ted that morning for them to meet, for what will probably be the last time._

_"I'm sorry," Lucius says. "We knew that what we have - had - would have a time-limit, I was clear on that."_

_"You were. I just thought…"_

_"That I'd turn my back on my family?" Lucius laughs. "Of course not."_

_There's no trace of Ted's usual smile. "No. I thought that you'd care enough to at least warn me that this day was coming. I found out the same way that strangers did, Lucius. I deserved better."_

_They watch each other, still very aware of Lucius' words._

_"Well, I guess that's us over. See you around," Ted snaps, turning to leave._

_"You're not… you're not fighting me on this? You're not fighting for me?" he finds himself asking. The Ted he knows would fight._

_"Why would I? You've made your mind up, and you're pretty clear about priorities," Ted says. "Maybe under different circumstances, I'd have tried. But not now."_

_"Not now?" And it hurts so much because suddenly he feels like he doesn't matter at all to Ted._

_"No. Why would I fight for someone who cares so little, he doesn't even tell me that he's agreed to marry someone else?" The hurt is evident on Ted's face, though he keeps it out of his voice. "Or, maybe I'd fight if I felt like there was even a tiny chance that you'd pick me, but we both know you won't. I hope you're happy. I hope you have a nice life, a happy marriage. I hope you get everything you want."_

_Lucius can't think of a single word to say, and Ted walks away from him - from everything they had._

* * *

Lucius runs his fingers over his new dress-robes. Not ones bought for a ball or a party. These are for the wedding - his wedding - in a little over an hour. They're the most expensive item of clothing he's ever owned, and the Malfoy family crest is on the tie.

He looks at his reflection. He's the very picture of an aristocratic pureblood. He's exactly where he's supposed to be, doing what he's supposed to be doing with his life.

He can't hide the sadness in his eyes, and turns away from the mirror, angry that his reflection is betraying him. He knows he looks good, he doesn't need to look at himself to finish getting ready.

He heads over to the bed and picks up the cufflinks and starts attaching them, but his gaze keeps wanting to move over to the mirror. In his distraction, one falls from his fingers and rolls under the bed.

Lucius clenches the other one so tightly in his hand, that it digs into his palm, but forces himself to take a deep breath to calm down. He drops to his knees and lifts the valance sheet so he can see underneath properly, before reaching underneath.

His fingers move across the floor, searching for the cufflink, but they come into contact with something else. Material. Lucius frowns as he grabs it and pulls it out.

Ted's scarf.

Lucius stares at it, forgetting completely about the cufflink. It's been six months since school. Five months since he last saw Ted or spoke to the other man. Five months since he gave his well-rehearsed speech about family and duties.

Emotions got in the way. They weren't supposed to, but they did, and each day that has gone by has hurt too much because he feels empty now. He'd give anything to see Ted again, to see that warm smile. To be dragged to one of those too-loud parties. To do ridiculous Muggle activities, because they make Ted so happy.

He puts the scarf to his face. There's no trace of the aftershave anymore, but he feels the soft material on his cheek. It's an old scarf and he should have thrown it away months ago.

But he can't. He can't let go.

* * *


End file.
